About Me

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Chicago, IL, United States
I'm 23 years old now living in Chicago, IL with my German husband. Formerly blogging from Zürich, Switzerland and Wisconsin. Trying to settle back to life in the US and getting used to Chicago. It's so big compared to Zürich!

Sunday, March 2, 2014

My Struggle With Mental Health

First off I'm not a writer and I'm terrible at grammar. So bugger off if you have an opinion about that.

I debate nearly everyday if I should release my mostly deep dark secret. A few family members may know or some people who interact with me can see the signs...

I battle Mental Illness. Specifically for the last 10 years of my life I have battled the ups and downs of depression and anxiety.  It's affected my own life and my relationship of those I am close to. It ruins my relationships with others and also alienates me from others. 

I struggle to keep a routine that provides me a happy mental status. I suffer from insomnia as my mind wanders around in multiple places of anxiousness. How I envy those who's eyes close as they drop there head on their pillow. 

I'm not lazy or a slob. I physically can't get my brain to over power itself of the despair I feel each day. I struggle each morning to live. To get up and comb my hair to brush my teeth. To put on a smile and pretend to others so I don't fall under the stigma of mental illness. 

But I don't want there to be this stigma. That stigma is what often causes me to stay silent. To stay in my bubble of mental illness while I push others away.  

Therapy? Been there and done that. I've seen them all. Tried multiple types and people. Been graduated to move on or quit because it's to painful to keep going. Because I have to much anxiety to pick up the phone or send an email to go back. Medication? Been there too. Have tried and found success. Have tried and felt no change. Have quit midway because I'm to scared or haven't looked at other options. 

So here I am living my life with mental illness. This is me this is who I am. My name is Allison I have depression and anxiety. For weeks I have been wanting to say something to release myself. Here I am in all my flaws but also all my character. 

I can't cure my mental illness. I can only control it. It's my lifetime illness and my lifetime struggle. I can fight to be seen and fight to be heard. No longer be ignored! I have not been ignored by family but by institutions who don't recognize mental illness as a struggle of a lifetime. That just doesn't click off because I'm an adult.  

I fear this illness is what will kill me. Not old age or cancer. I fear that after many years I won't fight the struggle anymore. That I will lose those around me as they struggle with the consequences of my illness. So I am here right now fighting my fear and fighting my struggle. 

Friday, December 20, 2013

12 Days of Christmas Swop: Day 7

Day 7 of the 12 Days of Christmas Swop hosted by Juanita and Chloe.

Today I opened the 7th gift from Teresa. I love these little postcard like cards marking the tops. Neat idea!

Let's see what the back says. 

More things for my nails! Another hand cream perfect for my purse and a nail file.

See you all again tomorrow!

The participants for the 2013 Swop are:

  1. http://www.fatandfabulousme.wordpress.com
  2. http://www.rainsthoughts.wordpress.com
  3. http://janetsaw.com / http://www.flickr.com/photos/janet-saw
  4. http://agardenjustoutsidevenice.blogspot.com
  5. http://birdwristed.blogspot.com
  6. http://fernandorafael.wordpress.com
  7. http://rsativus.wordpress.com
  8. http://savingjune.wordpress.com
  9. http://allimcbally.blogspot.com
  10. http://www.adventuresofagirlfromthenaki.blogspot.co.nz
  11. http://whatbliss.wordpress.com
  12. http://wherethewildthingsare14.wordpress.com
  13. http://juanitatortilla.blogspot.com/
  14. http://wastedfashion.wordpress.com

Day 7: 12 Days of Christmas Nails

Today is day 7! The color I picked out was Color Club The Uptown. It is in a royal purple jelly base with flakes that shift from orange, red, to green. I used 4 coats to receive full coverage and didn't use a base color. 

This color will sure to cause you to stare at your nails all day. 

See you again tomorrow. 

Thursday, December 19, 2013

12 Days of Christmas Swop: Day 6

Day 6 of the 12 Days of Christmas Swop hosted by Juanita and Chloe.

Today I opened the 6th gift from Teresa. It was wrapped up with cute baby duck ribbon. Adorable!

Let's see what the back of the card says. 

Ooo! Even with my dark hair I have had luck with hair chalk. So I am excited to try this!

Day 6: 12 Days of Christmas Nails

Today was Day 6 of my 12 Days of Christmas manicures. Today is p2 opulent. From the p2 Sand Style line. I used 2 coats. Opulent is a dark blackened green that sort of leans teal because of the glitter in it. As you can see the polish is textured too.

Looks lovely. I really liked it. See you tomorrow.